A Secret Moment
by reader93
Summary: ONESHOT. Severus and Lily meet in their favorite childhood spot. Sev gets one last chance to right things with Lily. More than apologies are made. Rated M for adult themes mentioned, but no description. Part of 'Secrets' but can be read on its own.


**A/N: This is part of a new story I am about to start called "Lies and Secrets", the first chapter of which should be up in the next day or two. However, this can also be read as its own story.**

Stolen Moments

It was the middle of autumn and the leaves on the remaining trees in Spinner's End were turning brown and falling off. Severus Snape decided now was as good a time as any to go and visit the river. There was a certain spot near the river that he liked to go to sit and think. It was the same spot he and Lily had always gone to get away from their families. He put on his thick cloak to keep out the chill. He left the shabby house and locked the door.

The wind was biting cold and he turned his collar up to keep it away. He made his way down to the river's edge and along until he found the little clearing in the trees. The clearing was cold and the dense trees cast thick shadows. There was litter in the clearing but Severus ignored it. He sat down against a tree at the edge of the clearing, hugging his legs to his chest. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

Moments like this were extremely rare for Severus nowadays. The War had been raging on for years now, and the Dark Lord was getting stronger as time passed. Despite being a Death Eater, there were many times that he wished he had not taken the branding. Severus also hated when the Dark Lord used Legilimency on him. He hated his private thoughts being on display to anyone, never mind the Dark Lord. He had quickly learned and mastered the skill of Occlumency, but secretly.

Severus was just beginning to relax when he heard a noise at the opposite edge of the small clearing. He tensed up and drew his wand slowly. The dark coat he was wearing concealed him in the shadows, and he was thankful for it. He watched as a figure emerged from the trees into the clearing. Severus thought he was dreaming. It was none other than Lily Evans. He froze, unsure as to what to do. Just then Lily caught sight of him. She whipped out her wand and pointed it at him.

"You!" she cried. "What are _you_ doing here?" She sounded angry.

Severus lowered his wand and stood slowly so as not to startle her. "I could ask you the same thing." He kept his wand by his side, not pointing it at her, but not putting it away either.

"What's it to you anyway?" she asked.

"I thought you had gone off with Potter. I thought you had moved away for good," he said. He suddenly felt very sad at the loss of his best friend.

"I have moved away. And yes, James and I are married now. I thought you had gone for good. I would have thought you'd be out of that house at the first chance you got." She lowered her wand slightly, sensing the situation not as dangerous as she first thought.

Severus sighed. "I want to, but I have nowhere else to go." He considered Lily for a moment, wondering if he should speak the truth. She had been his best friend, and he had been able to tell her anything. "Besides, why would I want to leave this place?" he asked, gesturing the clearing. "I have lived the happiest moments of my miserable life here in this clearing..." He paused. "With you."

Lily lowered her wand until it was next to her side. "What do you mean, Sev?" she asked. His heart skipped a beat at the use of his nickname.

"Our times together here as children will always be my happiest memories. After that, I don't really consider my life to be a joyous one." Lily frowned at this. "Where is Potter?" he asked.

"James is doing things for the Order. I'm here to look after my dad for a while. He is not doing well, especially since, you know, mum died." She looked forlorn. "I came here for a bit of a break. I always liked it here. Our little spot." She smiled.

Severus had a million things going through his mind at that moment, but he couldn't manage to say anything. "Do you... want to come for tea maybe?" he asked eventually. If she agreed, it was a chance for him to say some of the things he had been hoping to say for a very long time.

Lily scrutinized Severus for a moment. "How do I know I can trust you? You're a Death Eater after all, aren't you?"

Severus felt deflated. "I am, yes." He had to try once more. "But Lily, if I was going to hurt you, I would have done it long ago. Please. We were best friends, Lily. You were my only friend. How could I hurt you?" He hated resorting to begging, but he didn't know if he would ever see Lily again.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Alright, then Sev. But one hint that I'm in danger and I'm out of there, got it?" Severus nodded and pocketed his wand. Lily did the same, and the two of them walked out of the clearing. He took off his cloak and wrapped it around Lily. "Thanks," she said, pulling it tighter around her.

They walked the short way back to Severus' house in silence. When they reached the house, Severus pulled the key out of his pocket and let Lily in. She hung the coat on the rack by the door and looked around. He led her into his living room, which was basically the only room he lived in. Severus tried to see it from her perspective. The house was dark and shabby, and this room was full of books. The old sofa had a blanket draped over it. He slept in this room, not wanting to sleep in his old bedroom, nor in his parent's old room.

"Tea?" he asked and put the kettle on the stove in the adjoining kitchen.

"Please," she said.

"Milk and one sugar, if I remember correctly?"

Lily smiled. "You have a good memory, Sev." She sat on the couch on top of his blanket and waited for him. When he came through carrying the tray with tea, she shifted up. As there was only the one seat in the room, he sat next to her.

"So what has Tuney been up to these days?" asked Severus, trying to make light conversation.

"I don't really know, to be honest. I know she married a man called Vernon Dursley, but I only met him once, and we didn't get on. I think she is still bitter about me being a witch. She refuses to talk to me and ignores all my owls." She smiled wistfully. Severus wished he hadn't brought her up. He knew Petunia was a sensitive subject for Lily. They both sipped their tea. Severus was starting to feel a bit awkward.

He decided that now was the time to say something, to apologise for his past wrongs. "Lily," he began, but paused. "Lily, I want to apologise. I was a fool to say what I said back then. I had been hanging around those pureblood boys that hated Muggles. I wanted to fit in, so I began speaking like them. It was a slip of the tongue that I have regretted with every fibre of my being since. I – " Lily put her hand on his arm.

"It's alright Sev, I forgave you for that long ago," she said quietly. "I realised that you had been influenced. I was more hurt that you called me that at all. I knew that I had lost you as a friend. That was what hurt me."

"You had never lost me, Lily." He sat forward now, eager to try to make her believe him. "I always cared for you. I have never stopped loving you – " He froze. He had just admitted to Lily that he loved her. She froze too.

"Loved me?" she asked quietly. Severus closed his eyes, expecting the worst. He cringed at the thought that now he might have gone too far. But instead of leaving and never returning, she put her hand on his arm again. "Sev, I didn't know you loved me."

He opened his eyes carefully. Lily's bright green eyes looked back at him. "Would it have made any difference if you knew?"

Lily thought for a long moment. This pause in itself was enough to give Severus a glimmer of hope. "Maybe," she said slowly. Severus was aware that Lily had not taken her hand off his arm yet. She was still gazing into his eyes.

He looked away, blushing. "You're married now. It's too late for me. I have lost you already."

Suddenly, she gently put her hand on his cheek and turned his face towards her. She didn't take her hand away from his face. She caught his eyes again, and he could feel himself drowning in them.

"You have not lost me, Sev," she whispered.

She leaned in and kissed him. Severus was so surprised at first he didn't know what to do. Her lips were gentle against his and he quickly relaxed and his eyes fluttered close. He waited for her to pull away, to be disgusted by him, but it never happened. He could feel her lips parting, and her tongue brushing his bottom lip. He parted his lips too, and he let his tongue brush hers. As soon as he felt that, he pulled away.

He was not about to admit it to her, but he had never kissed anyone like that before. His heart was pounding so hard he thought it was going to jump right out of his chest. He was flushed and out of breath.

Lily looked surprised that he had pulled away. "Is this not what you want?" she asked. She too was flushed.

"You don't understand. I want this more than anything. I have always wanted this. But you are just teasing me, trying to hurt me." He sat back on the couch and closed his eyes.

He felt Lily's weight shifting on the couch and he thought she had stood to leave. Instead, he felt her lips on his again. His eyes flew open and saw Lily leaning down over him. Her eyes were closed and she was kissing him again. All rationalities left him and he snaked his arm around the back of her neck, sliding his hand into her hair. Her hair was soft and it tickled his face, but he did not care. This was something he had only dreamed about.

He pulled her gently down onto the couch and got on his hands and knees over her, their lips never parting from each other. Lily put her hand on his chest and she started undoing the buttons of his shirt. He gasped slightly at the coolness of her fingers against his bare chest, but he quickly shrugged off the shirt. He slipped his hand under her shirt, caressing the soft skin of her stomach. He could feel her smiling against his lips. "C'mon Sev, let's do it," she said. He opened his eyes and met hers. That was all the permission he needed.

-XXX-

Severus felt as though he were floating on a cloud. As he lay on the couch, Lily curled up in his arm under the blanket, he pinched himself. He knew he must have been dreaming. What had just happened with Lily, that was something he had only been able to dream about. Never had he thought that Lily Evans – Potter, now, he knew – would want to be with him.

In the back of his mind he knew that Lily would soon be leaving him here and going back to her husband. But for the time being, Severus was the happiest man on earth. With Lily, he had been able to forget there was a war on, and that he and Lily were meant to be on opposing sides. He could forget all the unhappiness in the world, all the arguments they had had, the name he had called her. Severus Snape was nineteen years old, and he knew right then and there that he would never be able to love any other woman the way he loved Lily Evans.

Beside him, she stirred. He looked down at her lying on his chest and smiled. "Lily, I love you more than anything in this world. Thank you." She didn't say anything, but merely smiled. After a moment she sat up. Severus sat up too. Lily picked up her clothes off the floor and began redressing. He too got up and put his clothes back on.

"Sev, I'm sorry, but I have to go. It's getting late and my father needs his dinner. He'll be wondering where I am," she said apologetically.

"Of course. No problem." Severus felt slightly disappointed that she had to leave already, but didn't let it show on his face.

He was showing her to the door when she stopped in the doorway. She turned to face him and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back, never wanting to let go, but he did. She looked into his eyes and kissed him deeply once more. Then, without a word, she turned and left his house. He watched her all the way to the end of the road, her long red hair blowing around her face as the cool wind picked up. She turned the corner at the end of the street and vanished.

That was the last time he saw Lily Potter alive.

**I hope you enjoyed this. Please read and review**


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